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I’d like to preface the following comments with the justification of why I saw this movie. I like to watch movies that are really popular, even when I know they’re going to suck. This is because even though I am a fan of good movies, I try to be aware of and on top of what the majority of people are watching and what’s going on in the general market.

I saw the first Twilight film with a good friend who loved the books. We watched with a third friend and, you know, that movie wasn’t so bad. Then we decided that the three of us should watch all of the Twilight films together, so we saw New Moon and it was pretty bad. This one, though I had slightly higher hopes for, because I figured that they wouldn’t allow the movies in this undeservedly huge franchise to get worse. I also think I enjoyed 30 Days Of Night and thought that maybe this film would have a darker feel to it and perhaps even a workable script or even some decent performances.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (based on the book by Stephenie Meyer; screenplay by Melissa Rosenberg; directed by David Slade) is a terrible movie. The dialogue is painful and slow and boring. The scary bad guys are not scary at all, especially the Volturi, who, headed by an extremely not-scary Dakota Fanning, look like a bunch of pathetic goth kids who got lost in a forest. The music isn’t bad (Howard Shore has proven himself many times) but the themes felt very inappropriate for this type of film. The story wasn’t very interesting. Taylor Lautner as Jacob seems to have just realized that he’s in movies, acting, and has decided that he needs to act now, and does so very intentionally (read: badly). The love scenes were long and tedious and not even remotely bearable.

I can go on, but I won’t. My biggest issues with these Twilight films are that, sure, the source material is pretty terribly written, but there are hundreds (if not thousands) of incredible writers out there who will work for cheap and could write an amazing adaptation. There are directors out there who actually care about good storytelling who will create films that aren’t embarrassing. But most of all, I’m actually offended that studios put so much money into, and then make so much money on, films that are clearly not good. I have no problem with blockbusters or cultural phenomenons; sometimes they’re not that good, but at least you can see that they tried. Eclipse feels like they were like, “We’re going to make hundreds of millions of dollars from this regardless of how good it is, so let’s make it suck.” THAT is what I disliked the most about this film.

I’ll still finish watching the series, though.